my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
