Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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