Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
