My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im six kinds of drunk right now
zippers are such a cool invention
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
