Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
