she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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