dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
