It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
