we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't deserve a penis
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
