Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
