Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do vagina's smell?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
