kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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