Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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