Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish you could order shots online.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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