Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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