dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
