In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
