i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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