Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
