god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The Olympian is in my bed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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