I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
