i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im six kinds of drunk right now
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
