he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
