i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
