I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
