porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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