u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
