I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
