Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize