Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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