i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
