Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
