This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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