My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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