how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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