What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
