I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
