my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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