You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
