i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
