weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
