I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
