Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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