I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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