I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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