I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
