I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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