At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
