At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize