This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
