don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
