i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
