So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
