I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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