shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize