so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
