She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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