I wish I could teleport
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
