I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
