Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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