The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
