i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
