I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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